Closure is a funny thing: damned if you do, damned if you don't. Why? Because while the purpose of closure is to shut the door on a chapter of one's life that's undeserving of remembrance, it's never fully fulfilling.
The painful reality is that the inability to seek or have closure indicates the harsh truth that a part of us is stuck in the past. This is a quiet reality for many. Our private memories are safely tucked away but forever at ready access at a moment's notice or when triggered by mementos packed away from sight.
What does it take to have closure? Here's a mind map of what you need to understand before arriving at a state of mind that's ready to put the past behind.
1. Understand that the inability to attain closure is normal
Closure is one of the hardest things to do. The pain and hurt is usually so deep we would never dream of voluntarily reopening old wounds and becoming an emotional basket case.
Still, many of us spend years looking back in time reminiscing about old flames and never get real closure. The "seven year itch," as it's affectionately branded, is that 5-7 year span that makes us introspective and puts nostalgia at the forefront of our daily lives, where we wallow in memories of lost loves.
2. Understand that some goodbyes will be easier than others
Some goodbyes make sense, like the old college sweetheart you've always held out for although you're no longer at the top of his list. Chances are he doesn't feel the same way about needing closure or wanting to reminisce, and hence would never, in your wildest dreams, respond in the way you hope he will. But he's not mean or spiteful and your stint together was all part of growing up and Fate.
Other goodbyes aren’t as peaceful. These are associated with loser exes and those who smashed your heart to bits. For these ill fated experiences, when the time comes for complete closure, you will know. You will cry uncontrollably like an undammed waterfall, because that's what happens when your hormones take over.
Cry till you're dry and then cry no more. Waste no tears on people who never did love you enough. Remember, no one is really worth dying for, not especially if they weren't besotted with you and truly "couldn't live without you." Those words uttered when one is emotionally high and under the influence of love hormones, were only true in a moment in time. It has no lasting power. Believe it. Now, live for you, and try not to compare how difficult one period of closure compares to another.