Is it once a cheater, always a cheater? I always forget. Didn't infidelity, violence and other abusive behavior use to spell game over? Or was that just in the movies? Nowadays, choosing to stay in a bad relationship ranks high on the popular list - encouraged even. And it's cushioned through a transition process called forgive and forget.
Just what exactly should be forgiven?
Depending on your age, financial and emotional station in life, pretty much anything.
These are the 50 shades of grey - the ones that make it impossible to decide "should I forgive and stay" or "should I go?" It's perplexing why some women choose to forgive behavior that affects their mental health instead of saying "enough is enough. Take a freaking long hike, loser!" Death is stronger than life and love is stronger than death, says romance movie Somewhere in Time. Pointless love is generally a waste of time, but here's why some women forgive.
Studies over the past 20 years suggest that the forgiveness gene is more dominant in women than men. And, empathy, (innate, learned or consciously adopted), which most women have naturally, is an essential part of forgiving. If a woman decides to empathise, she's taken a leap of faith and forgiveness is a hop and a skip away.
2. You're still in love with him
You want him to be the way he used to be. You want the old "us" back. High hopes and a very black opaque cloth over your everyday reality keeps you hanging on. He knows you and your body too well and you're addicted to his touch, even as it begins to lose its sensitivity. So you hang on to shreds of an old life, hoping he will be who he was again.
3. You've lost your self esteem
Clinging to what's left of him (and feigning suicide) is better than nothing and will prevent him from belonging to someone else. Wrong. If only it were that easy. When a man stops loving you (even if he didn't stray), and treats you with lesser respect than he would his roommate, he may stay but he will treat you like a nonexistent entity.
But women have tried. They forgive the bad acts. Time passes and his urge to break away becomes less urgent. He's already leveled with you and shown you his true colors, but you're still there. He will probably come and go as he pleases. If he really wants out but isn't ready to ship out, your "forgiveness" will slow down the "I don't love you or want you. I will move out!" process but it won't make him choose you again, no matter how sexily you're clad or how many times he continues to use you for his “once in 50 days” needs.
4. She feels she's partly to blame
Does he constantly rain on your parade and tell you how unhappy he is to be stuck with you? Has his anger and frustration with you being his ball and chain led to him switching positions when you want to "toe curl," disrespectfully "man-scape" his nether region on the dining table (making you wonder what he's really up to, and with whom), making excuses not be seen with you in public, telling you you're ugly?
Your inexcusable behavior may be excused if she felt you gave in when she said "be with me, or else," if she's ignored you sexually since the baby was born or if she's put on weight and doesn't look anywhere close to the woman you once claimed love for. She understands that in life people sometimes stray or act out badly because they feel neglected, unloved, lost their interest, feel suffocated, or have come to regret the decision they made to be with you.